I’m a super superstitious nurse.

Superstition is the irrational fear that something bad will result from a particular action. Ummm, it’s basically nursing science and should be respected at all times.

“The board.” The board is the brain of the floor. It lists all the important information for the floor at a glance and if you touch it, change it, or comment on an empty box you asked for it. Why? If you say “wow, no code strokes on the floor,” or “wow, look at all those do not resusitates.” That will change in the worst way possible. Only the sacred hands of the charge nurse can touch the board and not have any negative repercussions.  

(Don't make me do this to you.)

“The Q-word.”…oh, you know the Q-word so I won’t jinx this post by spelling it out. Some equally awful synonyms for the Q-word are slow, dead, silent, low census.  It’s okay to think it to yourself, but you will be mobbed by angry nurses it you utter the Q-word at the nurse's station.

Why? Because after you've been thoroughly snipped at by your coworkers all hell will break loose on your floor. You will get as many admits as the floor can accept, patients will face plant out of bed despite having a working bed alarm, and that sweet old lady patient will become batcrap crazy, repeatedly call 911, and scream for help for seven hours straight. The universe is just waiting for a nurse to say the Q-word.

“That room.” Every nurse has an unlucky room on their floor. Something bad always happens in “that room.” I actually have two rooms that are “that room” on my floor. It’s a running joke that I can only take patients in 12 if they are already there when I arrive, but they aren’t allowed to admit a patient to the floor into room 12 and assign them to me. Why? Because they all end up in the ICU! It’s not my fault I swear, but it happens every time, one night it happened twice. Two different admits to the same room and the same nurse (me, of course) and they both ended up tubed and in the unit.  The other room, 23, is everyone’s “that room” because everyone has had a patient die in that room, the T.V. turns on by itself, and the room will ring the desk when it’s empty. It’s obvious that Room 12 is cursed and Room 23 is haunted.

“The full moon.”  I’m pretty sure this one was started by the first nurse to ever exist. Why? Because the night of the full moon promises hospital-wide crazy. This last year I worked the blood moon, which was also a full moon, and we had six overflow admits to the cardiac floor for GI bleeds and were transfusing so much blood we ran out of Y-tubing.  The whole hospital ran out of Y-tubing.  This one is true; I've seen it too many times to doubt it’s the real deal.

                           (This is terrifying. I wouldn't blame any nurse for flouncing this blog right now)

“The Frequent flyer.” We all have stories about that one patient that is always on the floor. It never fails someone will mention that person’s name and bam, you just got an admit and look who it is, that’s right, it’s the frequent flyer.

Why? Because this patient will run you ragged. You will attempt to satisfy every whim of the patient that probably knows more about the hospital than you do and isn't afraid to call the President to complain about the floor running out of lunchbox meals at 3 a.m.

“My mojo.” This one may just be me, but I have my own system and believe I am doomed to fail if it goes sideways for whatever reason.  I will always gather my own IV supplies when I agree to attempt a “hard stick,” even if you have supplies in the room. Why? It’s all about the process and getting my head in the game. It just works for me. I like to do everything the same way every time. If I don’t put my stethoscope in the same place at the end of every shift I will lose it forever! If a nurse has their way, and it works, back off.

There are other superstitions I've read about, opening a window after a patient passes away. The windows on my floor don’t open, or I would. Tying a knot in the right corner of the bed sheet of a dying patient…I could do this one. Taping atropine to the window of a bradycardic patient, this one is going into my routine. Even if you don’t believe in superstitions knock on wood, or Formica, for good luck all the other nurses will appreciate it.